It Doesn't Matter

What is it with some people that makes them believe they have a God given right to judge others and to decide who's worthy of life and who's not? Why is it that some people seem to think that God wants them to be cruel and bitter and angry and full of hatred towards other people? Are their lives so empty and unfulfilled that they have to delude themselves into believing that God wants THEM to carry his message?

If the Internet's any indication, I'd have to say, "Apparently so."

Take a look at my site. With the exception of the recently added article about Faith I've gone out of my way to avoid offending anyone. I've made no political statements. I've espoused no cause other than a concern for the devastating illness which is moving across our country and striking down people from all walks of life.

Yet despite that, I seem to have become a target.

Apparently, having the AIDS ribbon and espousing concern and compassion for those who suffer from it makes me some sort of threat to certain people. I can't quite figure out how, though.

If you can get past the hatred in their letters it would almost be funny to listen to their mindless illogical rantings and self-deluded vision of the world and their own role in it.

Almost.

But not quite.

Perhaps my favorite is the individual who started writing to me to tell me how if I was so concerned about all my gay friends getting AIDS I should educate them about the error of their ways. He went on in several letters to very graphically describe all the "perverted and foul" things that they do to each other. I can only assume that he has a great interest in the subject matter as he seemed to delight in drawing out the details of the various acts that seemed to capture his attention the most. One can only wonder how many lonely nights this individual has lain in bed imagining such things.

The funny thing is, though, that if you look at my pages, I don't say anything about gays - friends or otherwise. In fact, with the exception of a few very nice people I've "met" via the net since I've had my page, I don't think I have any gay or lesbian friends - that I know of. That's my loss, I think. Yet despite that, because I'm concerned about AIDS I've been branded a friend of the homosexual.

Well, I never considered that to be my role, but if people want to hang that banner on me, than I'll wear it proudly. So call me a friend of the homosexual - and a friend of the heterosexual - and a friend of the bisexual - and a friend of the asexual. Call me a friend of humanity, because I don't give a damn about what goes on between consenting adults when it comes to sex - but I do care about what goes on between adults when it comes to tolerance and love and understanding and the kind of lessons we leave as our legacy, and hatred and bigotry are not the lessons that I want to see preserved for our children.

Another lesson some people tried to teach me was that everyone with AIDS has brought it on themselves - either through drug use, homosexual sex, or non-monoganistic sexual practices. They all deserve it. Every single one of them. People who have AIDS don't deserve our compassion or our help because they could have avoided it by acting responsibly.

BULLSHIT.

What about the hemophiliacs who contracted the virus from a tainted blood supply? Did they deserve it?

What about the rape victims who contracted the virus as a result of being attacked? Did they deserve it?

What about the spouses and significant others who contracted the virus from a partner who was supposed to be monogonistic but was not? Did they deserve it?

What about the children born to mothers who also carried the virus? Did those children deserve it?

And what about the pain and suffering of all the family members and loved ones of those who are dying of AIDS regardless of how it was acquired? Do they deserve the anquish and torment?

Oh. Well. Maybe some people don't deserve it. But the OTHERS sure do.

BULLSHIT.

Nobody deserves to die from a disease like AIDS.

I'm sick of the hypocracy of people. I'm sick of the people who claim to be "good" but are more evil than those they brand as "bad."

I'm sick of the society which makes those who are HIV+ have to keep that fact a secret for so long because of the backlash and bigotry that will be unleashed against them and their families.

I'm sick of the people who, when they learn that someone is HIV+, feel compelled to ask, "How did you get it?" as if it really matters or makes a bit of difference.

And you know what?

That's exactly what I tell them when they ask me.

"It doesn't matter."

Kathy Williams
June 11, 1996

Copyright © 1996 Kathy Williams