More On Parental Responsibility

I discovered a wonderful new place online this week, The CyberMom Dot Com, and amidst all that's offered there is a place for discussion. The current topic that they were seeking feedback on was the issue of how old children should be before they should be allowed to fly a plane.

I'd thought that when I posted Ellen Goodman's article Too Young To Fly, And Die on my page I'd also exorcised some of the very strong emotions that I felt upon learning of Jessica Dubroff's death. Seeing the question sitting there in front of me quickly made me realize that I'd only set aside those feelings and that I still felt that I had to express myself. Here then, is what I posted to The CyberMom Dot Com.

When is someone old enough to pursue flying as a pilot? The FAA already has a minimum age of, I believe, 16. Jessica Dubroff was not a pilot, and she never flew a plane as a pilot. She was a flight student. While she may have been a bit young for flight instruction, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a child of her age taking flying lessons.

The tragedy of Jessica's death had nothing to do with her taking flying lessons, but occured when her parents decided that a 7-yr-old who'd had a handful of weekend flying lessons should set off on a publicity seeking cross-country endurance flight. Jessica's dream may have been flying, but was it the act of "piloting" a plane that she enjoyed or was it more the experience of being up in the air? Who's dream was she truly pursuing when she set out to "break the record?"

Jessica died for the sake of a publicity stunt concocted by one parent, condoned by another, and fueled by media attention. One can only wonder about the judgment of a parent who encourages such recklessness and, in the wake of tragic consequences, celebrates the "freedom" that her child was able to experience before her life was cut tragically short. It must be a necessary form of denial to protect against the overwhelming sense of guilt which would otherwise consume a mother who'd lost a child under such circumstances. I just hope that Jessica's siblings will be protected from being given the "freedom" to engage in inappropriate activities which could also endanger their lives.

7-year-olds don't always make appropriate choices when it comes to simple things such as the food they eat, the time they go to bed, and the way they play with other children. Jessica's mother made decisions for her children - such as not allowing television. She similarly made another decision for Jessica - that of allowing her to participate in a foolhardy stunt. If Jessica loved flying, she could have experienced her passion by continuing with her lessons. There was no reason, other than parental vanity and perhaps also greed, for Jessica to set off on the quest which had been suggested by her father.

Being a parent means taking responsibility for protecting our children and helping them grow into responsible adults. No matter how much Jessica's mother celibrates the freedom that Jessica experienced in her short life, it cannot absolve her of the responsibility for her role in Jessica's death. You cannot treat a 7-year-old as an adult in all matters. To do so is simply another form of child abuse.

Kathy Williams
May 1, 1996