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On Survivors and Faith

In the course of trying to help me through a very difficult time, a friend who has a very strong faith in Jesus directed me to the page located at That page contains a very well written, seemingly harmless and innocent letter which is presented from the perspective of Jesus politely reminding us of all that God has given us. The text of that letter is presented below in case the link should ever go away:

My dear friend :

How are you? I just had to send you this letter to tell you how much I love you and care about you. I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would walk and talk with me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day, and a cool breeze to rest you. Then I waited; but you never came. O yes, it hurt me, but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you fall asleep last night, and I longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your pillow and your face... Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you.

You awakened late this morning and rushed off for the day. My tears were in the rain. Today you looked so sad, so alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let me down and hurt me many times, but I love you. I try to tell you in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves and trees, and breathe it in the color of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams, and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air. My love for you is deeper than the oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need you could ever have.

We will spend eternity together in heaven. I know how hard it is on earth. I really know, because I was there, and I want to help you. My Father wants to help you, too. He's that way, you know. Just call me, ask me, talk to me. It is your decision ... I have chosen you, and because of this I will wait ...

Because I love you.

Your friend,

Now on the surface, its a peaceful, loving letter. Unfortunately, some of us have grown up in environments which do not make it easy for us to accept such things. Reading that letter made me angry because I wanted the answers to some questions. So I decided to write my questions in the form of my own letter.

Dear Jesus:

I am so tired. I just had to send you this letter to tell you how very tired and disappointed I am. Where were you today? There were children in pain and they called to you. Were you too busy? What kept you away?

I heard them yesterday crying out for someone to comfort them. They waited all day. Some have waited all their lives. They have no friends to walk with - they're afraid that friends might get too close. Don't you care about them? Don't you love them? How can you let them continue to be hurt? How can you call yourself their friend?

As evening drew near I watched the sunset and felt their fear rise as the terrors approach once again. The flaming red fingers of the sunset stretched out across the sky much as the tears and blood of the children stretch out across this earth. The children are hungry. Why won't you feed them? The children are in pain. Why won't you soothe them? They have been waiting so long - waiting and hoping you would visit with them.

The sun set, and the cool breeze was but a gentle caress quickly replaced by the stinging blows of a hurricane that never seems to loose its strength. The children waited for you but you never came. You sent the others instead. Why do you let the others feed so deeply on the tender flesh of the young? What kind of friend are you? Why have you let them down?

I could not sleep last night. I closed my eyes but I felt the touch of one of the others on my body. He is no longer here but I felt him again just as I do every night when you take away the sun and plunge us into darkness again.

My pillow does not take its color from the moonlight. My pillow is stained and soiled from when I called for you so often years ago before the blood had set so firmly with the mixture of tears and unholy fluids with which I was annointed again and again. Where were you? Didn't you hear me begging for you to come?

I am not able to rush anywhere this morning. The years of suffering have taken their toll and my strength. Soon my tears will be as dry as the parched desert.

I was sad today, but I am not alone.

I was sad today, because I am not alone.

There are too many of us. Too many children you have chosen not to hear. Too many cries you have chosen to feature in your chorus. Is it a pleasing seranade for you? Which do you find most enjoyable? The piercing scream when a child's innocence is first torn and destroyed or the low mournful wail which follows when the pain turns into a dull, never-ending ache? I wish I were alone. But you've given me too many siblings.

It makes my heart ache because I understand. You're not the first to offer comfort and love. You're not the first to leave us feeling empty and used. It's ok. You're just like everyone else..... I can accept that. Please stop whispering though. It has a mocking tone as it carries through the trees which have been eaten away by pests and the flowers all smell like a cheap pint bottle of whiskey. The mountain streams have been fouled with waste - please don't make us bathe there anymore. The birds sing mockingly as they watch the crows swoop down and peck at helpless children. Their clothes are torn and fouled by the terror that invades over and over again. Your love may be deep, but the lust of the others is endless.

Were you there with your father? Did the two of you watch? Did you enjoy watching? Is that your kink? Were you always there? All those times? Did you really choose me? For that? I've spent so many small eternities waiting. You had your chance..... I'm tired of waiting.......

"Because I love you." I've heard so much justified by those words. You'll excuse me if I don't leap up and testify at the sound of them. Don't get me wrong. I won't turn you away. But you've got to do more than tell me to trust you. I've been around your world too long to fall for that one again. So please.... if you are who you claim to be and you care and love even half as much as you profess, please please please end the suffering. How many more children have to suffer before you do something? How many more children have to die in pain and fear? And how many more children have to grow up believing that the ones who died were the lucky ones?

Please..... do something.... anything.... don't just sit there. You're supposed to be better than that.

Your friend,
May 22, 1996

Copyright 1996 Kathy Williams